Chi

This won't be lyrical, but it's all i can cough up right now.

So i'm still screwed for exams, more so than before, although this time it's totally my own fault & i'm a bad student. This is nothing to do with bad luck.

Although, i take part of that back. I've been feverishly ill for the best part of this week, to the point where i couldn't concentrate on Lemsip instructions, let alone gastrulation or whatever. 

Yesterday i went to Regents Park for the first time; it's beautiful.

Today i cleaned my room out, so that i can focus more.

Earlier i admitted something, to a friend, and to myself.

Tonight i made a promise; i'm going to keep it.

On top of that, i'm going to turn yet another new leaf, and i'm going to be a really nice person, a really good person. I want to make myself proud.

Orchid.

Key

Oh my God.

I am actually going to fail my exams.

I am well aware I say this every year. But I actually am. Holy mother of Jesus. To make my day a little more interesting than the realisation that I am so fucking fucked, my life, along with any visual abilities I had left, is officially over. I have been staying in my friend's room while she's been away as my roommate's family have been staying over, and so, all of my most important possessions for this joyful season are in there; my laptop, all my books and notes from the whole year, my toothbrush and glasses are in that one room. And I leave that one damn room for a mere 2 hours, only to find it locked upon my return. Adding just that much more excitement to the whole scenario, it is not (as it never, ever is) in our goddamn policy to open the door for you without explicit permission from your friend. Who is in China. Until the end of next week.

Fuck.
My.
Life.

Carmen

This is the bird i buried by the Church:

Orchid.

900Ti

This would have been the story of my week in Egypt, but it shall have to be a tribute to my first true love.

Dear IXUS,

I loved you. You were the first one to understand me; you were the first thing i ever understood without trying. You were there for poetry with no words, you were there to crystallise meadow-lit smiles. Every port and boundary i have crossed in the past few years: you were there.

You told me about magic; how sometimes, there are things only your very own eyes can see, and so to treasure every blink and flash for the fear that they belong only in the space of a second.

I remember the first ever photograph you gave me, and now, i have the last. I remember our- me Chris and Greg's- discovery that you were special; when you were 10.0 megapixels and nothing else came close, and the first thing i had ever seen with face detection and rotating images. I remember when your bolts came loose, and there was a pinprick on your screen. I loved you nevertheless and bandaged you up because i knew that still, you were the best camera in the whole world.

I remember when i lost you. I remember when i lost you, and i couldn't speak to anybody, and i couldn't see a beautiful thing without wishing, longing, that you could be there to see it with me- and everything else i saw was the mirage of your greying titanium gleam. And being reunited is one of the happiest memories i know, and ever will.

But now, it's not the same. This is it, Egypt has eaten you up for good. I think i knew in my heart of hearts that we were soon to part for good. I was ready for everything but the loneliness, the true feeling of "like i've lost a limb".

Chloe, now i truly understand how you must have felt without Bez; Melissa, i know how you felt after that party.

I will never forget you.

Orchid.

S.O.S

You know, as everyone else does, in your little shelf of obvious facts in a pocket of your brain, that you're dying from the moment you're born, hairs, layers of skin, snakelike. Right now, however, it's as though i can actually feel each cell bidding me a farewell, cell after cell, eating closer and closer to a core where my soul was once safe from insanity. I am in total isolation, in an alien place, and every academic word ever written makes me want to gag. I am an expert now in a variety of diseases, & find watching the open fridge's standstill existence hypnotic and novel.

Jesus.

I miss... living?

Cotangent

As requested.

I am definitely not cut out for hot weather, and beginning to doubt highly supported hypotheses of african origin of humans- no sign of acclimatisation, no sign of brain activity in the median hours of the day. The most i have stretched myself to do today is to go swimming at the crack of dawn with my sister, write a few postcards at lunchtime, & drag myself in a zombie-like fashion to a shop to buy some water. Oh and colour-code some notes on transitional epithelia, my favourite.

The weekend preceding our travels to Egypt was packed and good; the week itself, packed and sleepless, clocking a total of 23 hours of sleep, and i'm still compensating. On Friday, following a lot of rushing around, meeting deadlines, tutors and trains, Tom and i set off to Oxford for his birthday present (about time too), an Ellie Goulding gig at the Zodiac. The support band were disappointing, and slightly hate-able, but the inbetween music was awesome, notably so- little bit of 70's funk here, little bit of Come as you are there. As for the lady herself, she was beautiful and demure, as expected, and the music was amazing as well, one girl and her drum taken to the next level. The more i think about it, the more glad i am that i went.

We trekked back to town; finding no-one at the PT, we headed Four-Candles-wards to find a couple of people there, and then officially acquainted Tom with Branos, before we headed home, by which point i was deliriously awake.

The next day, i spent the day walking around Oxford, in the sun, rain, East & West ends, from lunch to tea break & finally to home, where my friend Lauryn was waiting for me (in between town and home i found a dead bird which i buried beside the church, tributary photos and more to follow). About a 6 months into homelessness and house-hopping, 7 months into pregnancy, and it's going to be a boy. I feel awful for her, but also so excited- she's going to be a great mother. I think i'll end up going to the delivery with her, i don't think anyone else will be. Oh dear.

More later, i have to run off to a pyramid or something.

Orchid

p.s. Chlo i'm so proud of you! More than you know (: