.

I don't even know where to start. Friday was nice, i went round Vic's for a bazillion episodes of inbetweeners with Sam & Stoo & Rach, but i guess i also didn't get to see Liv or Melissa before i went away.

On saturday, Yasmine & her dad brought me to uni, which proved to be ridiculously stressful & more so with her dad there. He's basically out to make my life hell & stop me from ever making friends. With him around i may as well have 'Dickhead' tattooed across my forhead. Or a badge that says "Hi, i'm WILL". Basically the residence people forgot that they built a kitchen where my room was meant to be so i had to move around for a bit. Me & my roommate did actually end up getting an awesome deal though; they put us in the studio flat, & though it's cramped as it's only meant for one (if very large) person, it's got it's own bathroom & fridge. Yasmine's dad took us to Ikea... my roommate is swedish, fml. She's also 24, so there's a massive age gap, but she is lovely which is a relief more than anything. She went to bed as soon as we got back & there was absolutely nobody else moved in on our floor yet so i went into the lift, shut my eyes & pressed a number. I ended up on floor two, where i met loads of awesome people; there are a huge number of exchange students at the moment, which is really sad as they're real nice but will be gone by december. Apart from one girl who's 17, i was the youngest there which was a surprise. Everybody else was at least almost 20, & because apparently it's really odd that i wandered down to the 2nd floor, i was adopted as their mascot. That floor is now really cliquey & so my postion has been erased. Which is fine.

My mama came down on Sunday to properly see me settled in so we hung out for a bit, & apparently in that amount of time i missed out on making a hell of a lot of friends. I went to enroll & met some really cool people along the way on a different block. I need to re-find them, they were really nice.

I told myself i was really going to make a fresh start  with study skills etc at uni; always be on time, be organised etc etc. I lost my student ID within one hour of getting it. FML.

When i came back to my halls i bumped into some crazy art kids, a couple of which didn't even go to our uni. I had nothing better to do so i tagged along & we ended up finding an outdoor gym which was surreal but so cool. Unfortunately they all went to Central St Martins together & are really tight-knit, so that was a bit of a lonely excursion. I got back in time for the welcome meeting for our halls, where i met some lovely people but whom i haven't seen since. I then got ready to go to Koko, which i bought tickets for because i knew it has a good rep. We walked to camden for it (we being a random collection of people from our block who had tix) & when we got inside it was packed, absolutely couldn't move style packed. So when all they play is chart music remixed & you can't move to dance, what's the point? I went to sit down for a bit on the bench bit in the bathroom & again, met nice people. This girl walked in, looking like she was about to cry; it turned out she had been dragged along by her halls people & in fact hated clubbing & drinking. We made an executive decision to leave asap & walked back. Her halls are around the corner from mine so it was safe.

Yesterday was the best & worst day so far. The best because i ended up going to a campaign meeting with said crazy art kids, to fight cuts that are due to be made at the uni. Christ, i've only been there a day. They are really politically minded though, & i definitely admire them. Also because my course people who i met for the first time seem alright at the very least. Also because i FINALLY found muscially minded people. Also because i now have London mentor (unofficially) who showed me things like how to get around london for free, which side of things to stand on, how to glare at the Oxford St newspaper distributor people. & he's kinda cute. 

The worst however because i need to put some movies onto mini DV for the damn film comp which i've been working at for a year & a half now & which i've already submitted stuff for- & since last year apple have changed the firewire ports on the macbook so i can't do that. & now, after all that hard work i can't enter the competition. The deadline is tomorrow, so there's not even a point. So anyway, i went to look for someone with the right lead & there was basically nobody in at all, & then i was ignored by the 2nd floor people, how inane. So for the first time since i moved i was left with nothing to do, all alone & felt so homesick, friendsick, i miss being somewhere where everybody knows who i am, where i know the scene, where there are trees & grass, where i don't have to try. Also because i keep forgetting to eat & then when i remembered last night, it was already late & it took me 2 hours to cook some rice because my rice cooker was being fickle with when it was going to work & when it was going to fail. Also because i found out that a fresher died at Koko while i was there, which is well & truly tragic.

Everybody i've met who i want to be friends with i haven't seen again, or they fall into one of the following categories; 

1. 3rd years. They will soon have tons of work & will also be gone by the end of this year.

2. Exchange students. They will also be gone by the end of this year at the latest.

3. International students. I can't speak chinese.

4. Medics. They are at continuous special medic things together as they have to know each other for the next 7 years. Once those socials are over they will be swamped with work & permanently unavailable.

5. Art kids. Will be swamped with work. Also are all already friends, & quite exclusively so.

Basically, FML. 

 

And your hands, they shake with goodbyes.

Okay, maybe a little odd to start blogging now, or at all in fact; i've never been one to keep a diary and certainly being the type of person to sit at home writing while everyone else has been out, i've had the chance to, but i'm also quite backwards, so right now, when i'm going to be more busy than i ever have been in my life, i decide to start this. Slow clapping time.
I figured it'd be quite neat timing though as i've been quite snug in my coccoon & refusing to budge for a long time, but i actually took the plunge & am going to uni in the most far out of my comfort zone place in the world... London should be interesting to say the least.
Goodbyes have been bizarre but all i seem to be doing at the moment. I realised i desperately needed to see some people before i go about 2 weeks ago, & crazily enough it's my friends from school that i've been trying really hard to find. I spent so much of school thinking i didn't fit in, & when i finally did make some really solid friendships, i still felt as if i still wasn't quite in the right place. Hell, i was wrong. I love everyone so much & now cannot fathom how anyone else will put up with me, or understand me the way they did. And maybe i should have gone to Kukui with them, even if it is the pinnacle of crap!
Friday i went for a last minute coffee with Sophia; seeing her saying goodbye to Bo, even if it was only for the nest few hours, really made me realise that this is actually it. Saturday was my last day at work, which, unlike the vast majority of saturday girls in the world, i loved to pieces. Afterwards i made my way to pizza express for a 'last supper' with my friends from the High, saying a final goodbye to Nikki, among others who i assumed i'd see again but haven't. On monday i went back to school which was lovely, my teachers love me, mahaha. I paid Leo a visit in the art block as well, & then headed to Ivy's shed & talked about Lolita- SUCH a good book.
Tuesday i spent the day with Rachel- i miss her so much already & will definitely be 'raving' it up in cambridge with her asap. Hot chocolates with Sophie in the afternoon & then i returned home for some more packing (it never ends). Yesterday was stressful with MORE packing. In the end i gave up & went to Greg's, finally. We walked to town & having planned on going to the randolph for tea (cheaper than starbucks, sweardown), pizza express, the cinema, maxwells... we went to branos. Yeahhh. Because i'm an idiot & forget that i do not have the physical prowess of a cat, i suggested we climb up to one of the window ledges outside the Bod. We sat there for a bit, judging everyone walking past while they judged us for... climbing skills? Sang along to Panic, loudly. Sat in some silence, comfortably. Parfait. We walked back to Kennington & to THE swings, which is one of my favourite places in Oxford. Sweet.
And damn you Greg, i cried.
I put myself through more organisation today, but kept myself sane by seeing Ben at lunchtime. Ben = win. Saying bye to Ben = whyyyy?
Chloe came to pick me up at 7 ish as we planned to go for dinner at a pub in Appleton... we got quite close to Henley & still hadn't found Appleton so we looped round & ended up back on Boars Hill... we carried on down into the most random private roads, surrounded by trees when Chlo suddenly goes 'oh, i know where we are!'. So we get to Appleton... in Chlo's mind. We got to Wooton. We carried on driving & ended up almost on the way to Bristol, when in bright shiny lights we suddenly saw the pub. We are amazing, & that is why. It was one of the best drives ever though. Dinner was lovely & Chlo dropped me back off home... it took about 5 minutes. Lol, is all i can say.

I'm really really full of love right now, if that makes any sense. I am in a constant state of welling up. Tomorrow will be fun then (;

I don't promise to keep this up properly, but i promise to try.

Orchid