I've been trying to study.
It's failing.
You never think people fail uni, but even though i'm giving this my all, i could easily fail. & there's no teachers to help, no past papers to perfect, no guarantees this is worth it.
I was really excited about going to Rebel Bingo last night, but because London transport & the weekend simply do not want to cooperate, there was no viable way of getting there, although of course, the night bus goes practically door to door. You can't get the night bus until after 11.
I was really looking forward to having Chloe & Rupert round for a dinner party tonight. They got lost, stuck in traffic, & by that time tesco was closed so i had to magic up a meal, & they could only stay for a couple of hours.
It was great.
Now they're gone.
I don't think i've gone back to square one, i think i'm just stuck between two worlds at the moment, i don't want to leave anybody behind or forget anybody, & i don't want to have only myself to blame if i don't have anybody here, which is a tricky balancing act. But it isn't working.
It really is like a candle burning at both ends.
Real fast.
This i say wanting no sympathy from anybody, including myself, but i really believe that i'm going to be alone forever. The surrounded by people, but still totally isolated scenario.
Whatever.
Orchid.
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