Within 24 hours this week, i found out that one of my friends is single & pregnant, another two have broken up, & one of my best friends has been hurt beyond what should ever be allowed, & worst of all by another one of my friends. I can't count how many times i've said 'i just don't know what to say, i just don't.'
Conversely, life is good at my end. Along with dissections, debates, & drama productions to look forward to, i have a job interview coming up... let's just say it'll be quite liberating.
It's good to feel at worst, okay, for once. Even though everything has panned out now so that events don't waver far from the so-so, right now i'm cool with not having any AMAZING times, if it means i don't feel lower than low either. Halfway through last week i got halfway through packing everything up to leave, quit, whatever. I was warned against going home, but i just had to; i certainly saw the results. Things have to get worse before they get better. I don't know at what point i saw sense, but i'm still here so something must have clicked. I think Ciaran must have called me at just the right time, thank you.
At 9am on Sunday morning, my mother called me, telling me to come downstairs... to find her, two of her friends & my sister standing in the foyer with bags of stuff for me. That's dedication (: We went to the Hair Show, a London Fashion Week equivalent for salons, which was amazing. I adore being in that kind of high powered environment, seeing so many driven people with their 'skinny lattes' & heels clicking, & watching it rush past me. As long as i don't have to be one. As long as i can still be a small town girl in the big City, as long as i can hold doors open, smile at people on the street, all the people on the street, as long as i can spare a few seconds everytime i walk down a street to look up; nobody ever looks anywhere but straight ahead, the line of fire here. As long as i know what i want to give, & who i am, nothing else matters.
Does it?
Orchid
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