Peachy Keen

PEACHES WAS AMAZING.

I LOVE HER.

I WANT TO BE HER.

The way to briefly describe the gig was that, if Lady Gaga was watching, her exact thoughts would be "Shiiiiiiiiiiiiit, i really need to get one of those!" Like, every five minutes of the gig. There was hair, there were leotards, there were freakin laser harps. Check them out. As in, laser beams you could control to play notes, just like you would a real harp. Yeah.

She dressed up as MJ for one song, she walked on the crowd's hands for another, telling us that if she fell over the show was over. In one song, i looked behind me & she had half the crowd topless, dancing. And a few bras on stage too.

That's what i call influence.

My voice is only worse for wear now, & come Saturday i will have none at all.

Hello tomorrow (:

Orchid.

Cocoa

Man flu is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off.

Definitely.

Yesterday morning i woke up & thought "Somebody has filled the cavity between my skull & prefrontal cortex with mush. And holy crap i can't breathe." Enter horrible cold, at precisely the worst time ever, & the realisation that i had a two hour lecture followed by six hours at work.

An hour into my lecture (limb formation, mutants & Sonic Hedgehog) & the lecturer put up a slide with the timings for our course Christmas party, & said "See you next week" By some miracle of fate, i simultaneously get a text from my colleague saying that our boss has swine flu & she feels ill anyway, so i shouldn't bother coming in.

Hell.

Yeah.

My friend Sophia from my course came back with me to my halls, where we made lunch, did my washing a.k.a laundry room chilling & had basically a daytime sleepover i.e. we both felt like crap so talked for hours in a half-napping state. She left, i did some work, & remembered that we had a basement party that night. Not surprisingly, i didn't go...

Instead, the party pretty much came to me. Right at this minute i don't think i have ever felt so loved, & if i was an emoticon i would be '^^'. Loads of people came up to my room to see that if i was okay, someone offered to make me a vegan soup (i'm starting to believe that i really am vegetarian), at one point there were at least seven other people in my room, which if you see the size of it, is fairly impressive.

Today i went to study in the library with Chelvi, & decided that i'm officially screwed for the two exams i have on Friday. Not only will they be hard, require hours & hours of time that i should probably be asleep, but i'm also uber busy this week too. Put it this way, i'm seeing Basement Jaxx the night before.

But come to think of it, i'm seeing Basement Jaxx the night before... *girly scream*

Back to being ill- I came back from the library early because Chelvi suddenly let out a gasp in the middle of the silent Medical Sciences section, that X factor had started & she needed to run. Oh my God.

I got back, wallowed in self pity for a while, thought about doing work.

About an hour ago, Tom came to my room with a huge cup of hot chocolate, with marshmallows & everything:

I'm a happy bunny (:

Also, the BT tower is like a friend to me now. It is so loyal, & embodies hope, always a shining beacon to guide you home. Literally. As in i wouldn't know how to get back home half the time if it wasn't for the BT tower. For the past few weeks, it's had a countdown to the Olympics on it, which was nice but at times i personally found it to be quite foreboding. Now though, it says 'Merry Christmas!'

All the small things.

Emmanuel

IT'S CHRISTMAS.

This part of December is definitely the best, Christmas day has average written all over it. & true to tradition, i'm coming down with something. 

Tonight we had a Christmas dinner on our floor, which was really, really nice. In the proper sense of the word. Crackers, a proper roast, & a really lovely group of people; i suddenly realised that we rarely do anything as an entire group. Hats off to Jo, for her marvelous culinary skills. In all honesty, i owe my cooking advances to her.

Yesterday i made one of the best decisions ever; at about 2 in the afternoon,  i was sat in an MUN meeting, everybody talking about the Christmas party we were going to that night, me humming a Christmas carol...

I found someone to buy my ticket for the night, legged it to Marble Arch, & jumped on the Oxford Tube. I got to town by about 4.30, & all the shops & cafes were already emptying, ready to close. How very bizarre. I was really hoping to catch Greg yesterday, as i didn't get to see him last time, but this plan fell through. Not good. By the time i do get to see him it'll be about 4 months, so i'm looking forward to it. So anyway, i rang Rachel, from school, to see where she was at, to get ready to go to the Oxford High School Carol Concert....!

We met up in Borders (since when is that closing?? Where am i going to waste time in now??),  & while Rachel bussed to Summertown, i decided to walk under the pretense of 'no money'. In reality i wanted to take it all in, absorb Banbury Road beauty. 

We got there & following a couple of scathing looks from parents, suddenly realised i'd rocked up to Church in a denim minidress, & as if to make it better, improving on its straplessness... by wearing a backless top underneath.

Slow clapping time.

So, first impressions over, we went to sit up on the balcony, which is reserved for old girls, but is rarely filled by them; as i remember usually only a couple of people turn up.We filled up a couple of rows (:

The service is definitely going to stay one of the most beautiful memories i'll ever have.

The acoustics are amazing from up there, the songs were more beautiful than i've ever heard them sung & i felt so proud to be stood up there when the congregation turned around to see who'd come back as we sang the old girls verse.

I wish i could have recorded it & play it over & over again in my mind. It was so perfect, really haunting, but gorgeous.

I think i cried a little.

A lot.

We went out to dinner at Brown's afterward, which, typically, gives you an 'artistic' excuse for a meal, in a really amazing atmosphere to make up for it. It was nice, a little weird though. My friends haven't really changed, at least, the 6 who were there last night, but it's weird how different our lives are, & how in not too long we'll be pretty much worlds apart.

I headed back at about 10, got here at midnight, & suddenly realised how much i missed everyone's company here too. This is what i mean about being torn. & how i realised that i might, maybe, just about, love it here.

To top it all off, i definitely win at receiving postcards...

Firstly, i'm the only person i know here who gets them at all.

Secondly, the other day i found 3 postcards in my pigeon hole, not having got any for a good while.

One was from Sophie in Cambridge.

The next one i looked at was from Greg- i looked at the picture straight away because he'd told me it would 'truly sum up Oxford':

"See what i mean? That's Oxford now all the best people have disappeared!"

The whole thing made me smile.

Next, a postcard from Iara!

"Orchid! The front of this postcard represents how i feel when i think about how far away all my friends are."- hang on.

Flip over the postcard.

It's the same gargoyle.

One of the highlights of my life, methinks.

Sleepytime (:

Orchid.

Ectoplasm

When i was younger, i always thought i'd be a clubbing person, rather than a pubbing person. This would be considered a logical conclusion by any man of wisdom, as i live to dance & also would rather be put in a tank with a piranha than walk into a village convention consisting of fat, smelly, Viking-type men & their wives, given that i usually don't live in these places & look very much not British.

I never imagined i'd miss going to pubs this much; i hadn't been to a single one the whole time i've been in London, until today. Today i went to the Fitzrovia for a Sunday Roast with a friend from halls, & her friends who moved up to the city recently having gone to Falmouth Uni, where she met them during her summers here (she's Polish). It was so nice, & so refreshing to talk to people about things i'm actually interested in- moshpits & metal, & then how we should all go see Justice for New Years.

Happy happy happy (:

I came back, did a little work, & went to visit Ted in his room & spontaneously decided to go to Iran over Easter & also to do this 10 day programme with Buddhist monks...

10 days of:

No speaking, whatsoever, not even to yourself.

Eating only one huge vegetarian meal in the morning

Meditation

It would be so life changing, i'm totally up for it.

I've also been toying with ideas of where to live next year, all i'm ruling out realistically is Hackney Wick a.k.a. Murder Mile, & anything extortionate. I'm seriously thinking about these Catholic student halls right beside uni- you have to go to Mass every Sunday & give back to the community, but to be fair it's not much for very cheap accommodation, & the work could be publicity, which includes updating their blog! You also have to "endeavour to develop your spirituality"... i think my spirit does need a fair bit of development, we'll roll with that.

I've always wanted to live in a spiritual place, i just hope they would let me become that person, & not have to have always been it. The only thing i would disagree with is the potential organised, manipulative religion aspect of it.

The Church has done some very disgraceful things in its time. 

All i want is to be the nicest person in the world.

Can't be that hard.

Orchid.

Skew

If today was plotted as a graph, whereby the x axis spanned from yesterday at about 3pm through to right now, on an hourly basis, & the y axis represented how busy i thought i would be today, & my achievement levels of today, the two variables would be inversely proportional, with slight negative exponential tendencies.

In English, that means that i planned on writing my essay by 1 pm, going to a protest, going to the protest after party, meeting up with Emma & Ben Procter as they were making a trip to London, coming back, revising statistics, then meeting up with Olivia, a friend from my halls to go out somewhere, anywhere... i finished my essay.

The person who was supposed call me to say when she was going to the protest (bearing in mind she invited me) didn't,

Emma overslept & forgot to come to London.

Statistics...

Well put it this way, statistics or procrastination?

The thing me & Olivia were going to go to it turns out was destined to become a pill-fest, & having written 1700 words on Famine, & Economics, which is by the way, alien to me, & her having been waitressing all day, we're not out.

We're not out, i'm not out, i don't go out. Story of my life.

Proof that i am not a loser: yesterday i finished an exam & wanted to go out dancing.

Nobody else did.

Party, woohoo.

It's okay though, i've finally come to realise that for me all that matters is that my course really is crazily interesting, it's the answer to all the questions i used to wonder about ever since i can remember: yes, as a seven-year old i did want to know how all our cells knew where to go. And now i do know. I don't think anyone else will get it, but i think it's really beautiful, i almost can't believe that i finally know how magic works.

Knowledge is power. It's also beautiful.

I don't think i have entirely hated University in recent weeks. I think it's been a combination of real hatred, real loneliness, being afraid that i'll change & that if i admit that i am enjoying myself, i'll hurt others who feel that i still need them, by making them feel unwanted, not missed. There is absolutely nothing in the world like old friends though. Chloe came to visit on Thursday, & i suddenly noticed how many words, sentences we miss out when we talk, because we don't need to spell it out- i know precisely what she means just from a single word. And then far less more hating this place, i dread going home, so much, so much. There's a huge expectation for me to have had the most insanely amazing time of the world, just because i'm in London, & then simultaneously i know all i'll be hearing is stories of all the amazing times everybody else has had. I frankly don't want to know. I just want to be with all these people again, as if nothing has happened in between.

Having said all that, i am really looking forward to seeing the people i don't have to explain everything to, i cannot wait. Just to be around them, & not say a word, in entirely comfortable silence.

Orchid.

Horse

My brain is in a weird state right now where it's not between, but simultaneously extremely calm & serene, & also frantic & whirring & close to explosive.

There is so much i want to change about the world; it took me this long to remember that 'if you want something done, do it yourself' applies to the vast majority of situations. The more i read, & believe me that's all i've been doing for the past few weeks, the more i feel disgusted at humanity, & that there really are no good guys. And also, & most depressingly, that sometimes the wrong decision is the only one you can make; you would never put a nation before your brother, but surely the welfare of the masses outweighs that of a single person?

But the more i read, the more i teach myself, the more i realise that if there are reasons for the evils of the world, if we can trace the roots, we must be able to return to those roots & fix it. 

There must be a way.

There must be a way. 

There must be a way. 

That's the mantra circulating through my head, keeping it at peace with the absolute anger for what we've done. I asked a friend last night what could be done, how, how?? There have been great leaders in the past who have changed the world forever, why am i constantly told that nothing i do will make a difference, that morality will get me nowhere, that i am naive, have much to learn & should keep my head down & concern myself with my own business? What about Martin Luther King? What about Ghandi?

"Ah well, Ghandi, he was different. He removed himself from being human, from everything humans want & strive for; a wife, children, notable success, eating. When you have nothing, no weaknesses, what have you to lose?"

Of course.

So why not? Anything is worth improving the human race, anything is worth stopping lies about hunger, war, stopping the wrongs that women suffer in the hands of cowardly men, & taking the spotlight off money- it is not the be all & end all of our lives.

I'll do it. I'm going to make a plan.

Orchid.

p.s

"Girls can wear jeans.

Cut their hair short.

Wear shirts & things...

Because it's okay to be a boy.

But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading,

Because you think that being a girl is degrading.

But secretly

You'd love to know what it's like."

Bailar: Bailo, Bailas, Bailamos.

Monday

Biochemistry

Hari Krishna

Library

Dinner

Salsa

Brie

Rice

Study

Bed.