Fish

Jesus doesn't want me for a sunbeam,

Sunbeams are not made like me.

David

Halloween is over; it's officially Christmas.

Sunday night was a solid improvement on the day, & even though i am now paying for the 3 movies i watched consecutively with my floor-friends, it was much needed. Yesterday was a complete waste of a day. I hate doing nothing productive. I did however receive something that made me smile in the post. I'd lost my first student ID card weeks ago, so i was a little baffled when i found it in an envelope, along with a note:

"Dear Orchid,

I found your card a few weeks ago, i'm sorry for the delay in posting it. I'm sure you have a new one by now!

I'm not sure which course you're studying but good luck- i'm enclosing my business card just in case you're looking for a job after graduation (this is how i got my first job!)

Sincerely"

I'm not entirely sure why that made my day.

So now i've really got to bite the bullet & start working for this goddamn Biochemistry exam. It's the kind of difficult where you think & grit your teeth for so hard & so long without achieving anything that you actually feel nauseous by the end of it. It's okay though, i just got back from Oxford Circus where they turned on the lights so that will last me long enough in terms of fun points. Peter Andre, Taio Cruz, & the Saturdays 'performed', with speeches from Boris Johnson (who we literally bumped into afterwards) & Jim Carey. The small things really are what makes life; the Christmas songs in between with the whole crowd singing along horrendously out of key, feeling a little bit like a T-mobile advert, dancing like gimps, the weather getting slightly colder, waffles after the show...

:D

Orchid

Solitaire

Today started off as a 'the rain can't stop me!' day. I'm am now shaking with cold & wet, & slightly shaken from the past few hours. At about 10am this morning, i headed off to Brick Lane in East London, which i had never been to before but had heard is amazing. I think it was a bad sign when the old man who sat beside me on the bus kept almost pressing the bell everytime i looked like i might want to get off, & as expected, did follow suit when i stood up at Bethnal Green. I managed to lose him & find the market... retrospectively i would rather have hung out with him than discover that the market was ridden with sleazy men, & only men, & nobody else was in sight. It didn't take even two minutes for probably the creepiest man i have ever met to start following me, asking me what size i was, 'you'd look even more beautiful in this', & eventually asking me if i wanted to go for a coffee after i was done shopping.

No.

I think i went into about five different places in a really random order & didn't look behind me, ever, & each time i passed a stall, had various comments thrown out at me. No cash, no cash machines, no breakfast, no water, no umbrella, coat or anyone. 

A few miles' walk later & i'm home. I would give anything in this world not to have to be a girl in it.

Orchid

With Just A Dash Of Formaldehyde

What's weirder than things that are weird, are things that really should be weird, but aren't at all. Apparently, cutting up dead bodies falls into this category.

If you ever get into a dissection room, a few things to bear in mind:

Nipples are creepy. For some bizarre reason, you don't seem to register that it's a real human being until you see their nipples.

Don't get a fat person. Fat is a) scary b) impossible to get off.

Try not to remember Halloween while you've got a corpse in front of you... poor timing much?

And...

It isn't a lie, the first & only thing you think of at the end is "Need. Food. Now." Formaldehyde really kicks off your appetite.

The most striking element of the session was handling the brain. It's so small. To think that the world is run by so little mass, & such a seemingly randomly ordered bunch of cells is mind blowing. It's stunning at both extremes; just how much electricity is shooting around the brain every split second, & then to think of how many thoughts its owner must have had in their lifetime, what just an innocent looking lump of pink could have imagined, envisioned, could have done & given to the world.

Dude.

Things are good, winter is close, we're still spinning eastward.

Orchid

Pink

If i were somebody else, i might fall in love with me.

I listened to 'Nicest Thing' today & it made me cry; i don't think it made me sad, just pensive. 

I wore grown-up clothes to my interview today, but i may as well have been 5 years old, feet too small in my Mother's highest heels & her pinkest lipstick all over my skin. As soon as i'm home again, i'm going to go fruit-picking, by myself. 

Hopefully it'll be raining.

I don't want to leave this until i look like the insane lady who goes fruit-picking by herself thinking about the world, &, i guess, stuff. 

I'll do that a lot before i'm not allowed anymore.

Last night was good, i gave up trying to find people with similar interests to me so i went to a gig at Ronnie Scotts by myself, & made friends there. Might even see them again. The word 'duh' came to mind when an A&R guy & i realised that if he is obligated to go to certain gigs & ends up going by himself, & i want to get to know the scene here better & nobody at uni does, we could work as a team at this (:

Orchid

Tally

It's quite intriguing to watch peoples' behaviour more carefully, once you realise that a bunch of kids removed from the real world respond similarly to inmates of a chaotic prison; everybody seems to be dipping toes across the border separating the norm from mild insanity. Some people have been thrilled to discover that they can fold their own ears into themselves, others now find it mandatory to creep people out with their new-found talent of eyelid reversal, & the talent show winner has to be the whistle-hum. To top it off, for the past three nights, talking to different people into the early hours of the morning has ended in the classic question: 'So would you ever eat your own placenta?' I wonder if i too am about to crack, or if i have, when, how?

Maybe the fact that i'm now apparently logging everybody's moves is my answer.

Oh well.

Orchid

FM

I feel really shiny (:

Not in a gross way, i feel sunshiny, starshiny.

Shiny.

In short i had our room to myself today, & managed to fix my radio & had all my notes organised from last night's mindless filing. The result? I could make really useful notes that i really understand, while dancing around to awful chart music, with the sun glaring through the window, while in between adding to my wall collage.

Yeah (:

I haven't been able to do that in almost a month now. Well, i wouldn't have missed the work, but nothing in the world is as good as a little Sunday radio dancing with absolutely nobody in the world to see how ridiculous you look in your Sunday Worst.

It's letter-writing time now.

Dear whoever...

Orchid